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BREAKING: Supreme Court Rules 5-4: Oaths Not Taken on Bibles Illegal

The Supreme Court split in the typical way we can get used to it splitting this morning in a 5-4 decision to nullify Congressional Oaths taken on the Quran and other mythical texts. According to Chief Justice Roberts, the law is clear. He wrote in his opinion:

“Article 3 of the US Constitution describes the formation, election and oath taking process specifically, with the right hand to God and the left on the Holy Scripture. Because the writers and signers of that document were Christians of the 18th Century, we can deduce very simply that they were Christians and that Christian references should be taken literally. God is in the Constitution three more times than George Washington and twice more than Benjamin Franklin.

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